Sarcasm and Nicknames
by JateSkateFate815
Summary: AU. Smallville/LOST xover. Sawyer comes to Smallville to visit a friend and the first person he runs into is Lois. LoisxSawyer
1. Chapter 1

**Sarcasm and Nicknames**

**Smallville/LOST crossover**

**Pairing: **LoisxSawyer 

Their personalities are exactly alike. If not exactly alike, then they're pretty close. I think they'd get on each others' nerves, but I also think they'd be instantly attracted to each other. Clark, Lana, and Chloe will also be in this too, but not overshadowing the main people: Lois and Sawyer. 

**Disclaimer: **I don't own LOST or Smallville

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"You have GOT to be kidding me," Sawyer muttered as he stepped off the bus. He looked around the sidewalk. People were practically skipping down the street. Everyone looked so happy. It was creepy to him. He was in a Podunk little town in Kansas . Otherwise known as Smallville, Kansas: meteor capital of the world. He walked down the street and he looked into the shop windows. He looked in one and saw people eating. He walked in the Talon past all the people eating and sat down at the counter. 

"What can I get ya?" Lois asked as she turned around. 

"A beer…" He said as he looked around the room. He knew that it wasn't a bar, but it was worth a shot. 

She rolled her eyes. "This isn't a bar. Can't you tell, Einstein?" 

"Be nice or you won't get a tip." 

Lois frowned at him. "Well…I don't have all afternoon." 

"A black coffee, sweet-cheeks." 

"Okay, first of all my name is Lois…not sweet-cheeks." Lois told him. 

Sawyer nodded understandingly. "Okay…sweet-cheeks." He smirked. 

Lois rolled her eyes and she turned around to pour the coffee. "You can stop checkin' me out, Dimples." 

"So we're playing 'the name game' now?" 

"You started it," she said as she handed him the coffee cup. "You know my name…what's your's?" 

"Sawyer," he told her before he took a sip of the coffee. 

"As in Tom Sawyer?" He didn't answer. He just continued to drink his coffee "What are you doing out here, Sawyer. You're obviously not from around here." 

"Cute and Smart. Who woulda thought?" 

Lois glared at him. "I'm visiting a friend. Don't know why she picked this sorry town," he muttered. He said it sort of loud, and people heard it and some of them started to leave. 

"Well, you know how to clear out a room," Lois said as she looked around the room. 

"It's not like this place was crowded in the first place," he smirked as he looked her in the eyes. 

"Lois, have you seen Lana?" Clark asked as he walked into the Talon. Sawyer looked up at Clark from where he was sitting. _Man, he's tall, _He thought. 

"No, haven't seen her, Smallville. Did you ask Chloe?" 

"I did, but she hasn't seen her either…well, I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." He walked away. 

Sawyer smirked. "So is Stretch your boyfriend?" 

"Oh, no. Not if he was the last man on earth…I'd rather be with you." She smirked. 

"Yeah, Princess. You'd have a real good time with me. It would be the best time you'd ever have." He told her as he took the cover off of the dish that had the donuts in it and took a couple 

Lois shook her head. "You're disgusting." 

"Well, excuse me little missy, but you have a dirty mind…_That _was not what I was suggesting." 

Lana walked into the Talon. "Hey, Lois. Who's your friend?" 

"Hi, Dorothy," he said as he put out his hand. 

"Dorothy?" Lana asked as she shook his hand. 

"You, know…Dorothy…Wizard of Oz…We're in Kansas , you know. It kinda makes sense. Jeez, does anyone around here watch movies…does anyone around here even own a TV?" He muttered as he took a sip of coffee. 

Lana rolled her eyes. "I'm Lana." 

"Sawyer…and I'm her boyfriend," he smirked as he looked at Lois. 

"Oh my God, how much more annoying could you be?" She turned back to Lana. "He's not my boyfriend…he's just a customer." 

"I'm annoying?" He asked accusingly. 

"Yeah, you are…with your sarcasm and the nicknames." 

"You shouldn't be one to talk, _Louis_." 

"You know what…?" Lois turned around completely annoyed. Something about him annoyed her, yet intrigued her. She found him insanely attractive too. He stood at about 6'1 give or take an inch. He had a fair complexion, medium-length blond hair and sizzling blue eyes. And not to mention he had the cutest dimples. 

"By the way, Dorothy, Stretch was looking for ya." He said not taking his eyes off of Lois. 

"You mean Clark ?" She asked giggling. 

Lois nodded at her and then she turned back to Sawyer. "When are you going to be leaving Smallville?" 

"Gee, I don't know. Why? How long do you want me to stay?" He raised his eyebrows at her with a smile. Lois tried not to smile. It didn't really work. When you see Sawyer smile you can't help but smile. 

"No…actually I'll buy your plane ticket right now. So you can be on your way back to wherever it is that you're from." 

"I don't do planes." He said as he looked away. _Anymore. _

"Why? Scared of a plane crash or something?" Lois teased. 

_She has no idea how ironic that question was, _he thought. "Yeah, I'm scared," he said sarcastically. Truth of the matter is…yeah…he was definitely afraid of planes now. 

"So…you should really get going, Blondie. Nice talking to ya," she said as she started cleaning up the counter. She grabbed the donut he was eating out of his hand. Lana just shook her head trying to control her laughter. Lana looked back and forth between the two of them amused. Obviously they were attracted to each other. 

Sawyer glared at her. "Yeah…I should really get going. I have so much to do anyway…" he said sarcastically as he took out his wallet and he handed her the money. 

As soon as he handed it to her she immediately started counting it. "What, you think I shortchanged ya?" 

Lois nodded like it was obvious. She stopped counting when she got to the last dollar. "Hey, Bucko, where's the tip?" 

"Hmm…I dunno…The service wasn't all that great. Dorothy," he said saying goodbye to Lana. "See you around, Sweet-cheeks," he said to Lois. He gave her the brightest smile as he turned around to leave. 

Lois shook her head with a smile on her face as he walked out the door. _Sweet-cheeks. _She looked away when the door closed, and it brought her back to reality. She noticed that Lana was staring at her with a smile on her face. "What?" she asked defensively. 

Lana was still smiling. "Nothing."

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**Tell me what you think lol.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sarcasm and Nicknames: Chapter 2**

**Thanks to the people who read and reviewed! **

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"What's that look for?" Chloe asked as she walked into the Talon. Lois was sitting at the counter with her head on her hand smiling her head off. "Lois...Lois!" She said as she waved a hand in Lois's face.

"Oh, hi." She smiled.

"Okay?" Chloe watched Lois as she walked behind the counter. Lois was definitely not acting like herself, and there could only be one reason for that: a guy. "Wow, Lois. He must be really cute if your hearing has gone bad. So...who is he?" Chloe asked with a smile on her face as she sat down on a stool.

"He's here visiting a friend. Yeah, he's cute, but he's so annoying. I mean think, Smallville, but ten times worse."

Chloe laughed. "How so?"

"With the sarcasm and the nicknames. It's such a turn off."

Chloe smirked. "Lois, he sounds _just_ like you."

"I am not annoying," she said defensively. "And I don't use sarcasm."

"All the time."

"Or nicknames."

"Clark ? You call him Smallville almost all the time," Chloe pointed out with a triumphant smile on her face.

"That's different..." She looked down. She hated it when Chloe was right.

"What does he call you?" Lois turned red.

"Come on, Lois," she laughed. "It can't be that bad."

"Sweet-cheeks."

Chloe chuckled and her eyes twinkled. "He likes you, Lo. And you like him."

Lois rolled her eyes. "I do _not _like him."

Chloe raised her eyebrows. "I don't!" Lois said defensively.

Chloe scoffed. "Fine...maybe a little."

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Sawyer walked up onto a sidewalk in front of a little blue house. He looked at the little piece of crumpled up paper in his hand. He had the right address. There was a car in the driveway, which probably meant someone was home. Why was he so nervous? It shouldn't be a big deal. But it was. He opened the gate and he walked up the walkway. He rang the doorbell. "Coming," he heard a voice yell. 

The door slowly opened. "Hey, Sawyer."

"Hey, Freckles." He smiled. She pulled him into a deep hug.

"I've missed you so much." She smiled into his shoulder.

"I missed you too." He whispered into her hair. It felt like old times. He had a sudden flashback to the island. Remembering that things weren't the way they were, he pulled back. "Where's the Doc?" he asked uncomfortably.

"He's at work," she smiled. Some things never change.

"How's Freckles Junior coming along?" He asked gesturing to her stomach.

"Good. I'm three months along. Come in…" Kate led them into the kitchen and they sat down at the table. Sawyer looked around the house. It was pretty nice. The walls were white, and it was sort of as if they had just moved in. There were a couple of boxes lying around the house, too. Sawyer sat down at the table looking down at the table.

"Did ya just move in?" Sawyer asked even though he already knew the answer. It felt awkward to him, and he just wanted to make small talk.

"Yeah," She replied like it was obvious. She wondered why Sawyer asked that question when he already knew the answer.

"Why'd ya guys move here?"

"Well, it's a nice town, and Jack was offered a really nice job here." She asked as she got up from the table. She walked over to the counter and started to put on a pot of coffee.

"Which means that you picked it? I wouldn't pick Jack-o as the small town type."

"We…we compromised." She said smiling at him. Sawyer smiled back. Kate kept talking, but Sawyer couldn't hear her. He started thinking about Lois. When Sawyer didn't answer her question, she noticed that he wasn't paying attention.

"Sawyer?" Kate asked amused.

"What?"

"Who's the girl?"

Sawyer smirked. "Now, what makes you think I'm thinkin' about a girl?"

Kate raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, Freckles. You got me," he smiled.

"What's her name?"

"No. You probably know her."

Kate turned around and looked at him. "Sawyer, what is this? High school?" Come on. I promise I won't tell her," She teased.

"Ha ha," he said un-amused. "Lois. Her name is Lois," he said reluctantly.

"Lois," Kate laughed.

"You know her?"

"Yeah," she laughed again. "When I met her I instantly thought of you. It's like she's you...but a woman."

Sawyer laughed. "Well, she is cute."

"Seriously, though. You guys are just alike. With the sarcasm and the nicknames."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "So Sweet-cheeks is my doppelganger in a woman's form? So I'd look like Lois if I was a woman? I'd be a pretty hot woman."

"Sawyer!" Kate giggled. "You call her Sweet-cheeks? Why? Wait, I don't even want to know."

"Yeah," he smirked. "You don't want to know."

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"So, Lois. Am I going to meet Sawyer?" Chloe asked. 

"Probably not," she muttered. "He's probably on his way back to wherever he's from."

"What does he look like?"

Lois leaned against the counter trying to remember. "Hmm…he has longish blond hair. Like your length. But like, the guy way. He's a little bit shorter than Smallville, and he has sizzling blue eyes."

"So he's hot?" Chloe asked excitedly.

Lois blinked at her. "Yeah…And he has _really_ cute dimples."

"Wow, I wanna meet him," she joked.

"Yeah, but he was visiting a friend," she said looking disappointed. When she realized how she looked she changed her facial expression to bored. "Not that I care or anything."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed rolling her eyes. "You don't care."

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**Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

Sarcasm and Nicknames: Chapter 3 

**Thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone! And WonderW, your review helped me a lot, so thanks! **

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The next morning, Clark and Chloe walked into the Talon. Of course Chloe wanted to go for the coffee, but that wasn't her only reason for going. She wanted to see if Sawyer was there. "Hey, Lois," Chloe said giving her a hug. 

"Hey," Lois said as she pulled away. "Smallville," she said saying hello to Clark.

"Lois," he said also saying hello.

"Is he here?" Chloe asked a little too excitedly.

"No. You'd know if he was here. Trust me," she said nodding to make her point. "You'd know."

"Who's _he?_ Lois's new flavor of the week?" Clark asked smirking at her.

"Haha, very funny," she said sarcastically. "But at least I have a flavor of the week. For you it's like Clark Kent: He kinda ran out of flavors, and now we don't know what to call it."

"Lois," Clark hissed.

"Clark, it's not polite to hiss in public," Chloe joked as she sent a warning glance towards Lois. She knew that "flavors" were a sore subject for Clark. Lois, did too, but leave it to Lois to turn a scar into an open wound.

"Well, it looks like you got a full house today, Sweet-cheeks," Sawyer said as he walked through the door. "I could barely find a parking spot."

Chloe looked up at Sawyer. Sarcasm… check. Nicknames… Check. Sizzling blue eyes… check. Blond hair… check. And the cutest dimples… double check. Not to mention Lois's face lit up when he walked through the door. Which, of course, Chloe would tease her about later.

"Do you want anything, Shaggy?" Lois asked with a smile on her face.

"A black coffee and are you serious? Do I look like Shaggy to you?"

"Well, if the hair fits," she said flirtatiously before she walked away.

Sawyer, Chloe, and Clark looked at Lois as she walked away, then they turned to look back at each other. Chloe looked up at Sawyer and smiled. "Hi, I'm Chloe, I'm Lois's cousin."

"Hi, Blondie," he said with a smile that greatly accentuated his dimples. And of course, she smiled back. Chloe nudged Clark in his stomach. He may be a 'Man of Steel', but he definitely felt that.

"And I'm Clark," he said glaring at Chloe.

"Oh, I guess you don't remember. You were too busy whining about Dorothy, but we kinda met yesterday, Stretch." Chloe looked up at Clark and beamed. It was a smile that said 'See, I'm not the only person that thinks you whine.'

"I wasn't whining," Clark mumbled.

"So, uh, Sawyer, where are you from? What are you doing here? Are you visiting someone? How long are you staying?"

"Whoa! Slow down, Veronica Mars." Chloe smiled again. "Well, I'm from Tennessee, I'm visiting a friend. And I don't know how long I'm staying for, Smiley."

Clark scoffed and rolled his eyes. He hated guys like this. "Is there a problem, Whiney?"

"Here's your coffee, Shaggy," Lois said as she walked over to Sawyer.

"Thanks, sweet-cheeks," he said grinning which made her turn away so he wouldn't see her smile. "Later, Smiley… Stretch… Sweet-cheeks. Look at that, all start with 'S'," he said as he walked out of the door.

"Wow," Chloe said as she turned to Lois. That was all she could say. Lois nodded with a smile on her face.

"Oh, come on. You guys can't think that's attractive." The looks on their faces weren't helping. "Chloe?" he asked in disbelief.

"Clark," she said raising her hands. "I gotta side with Lois on this one."

"Chloe, he's rude; he called you Veronica Mars," he whined.

"Hey, I take that as a compliment," she said defensively.

"And Smiley."

"That too," she said smiling, which made Clark frown.

"Clark, he means she has a nice smile… and that she smiles a lot," Lois said trying to console him. "What did he say to you?"

Clark looked down at the ground sheepishly. "He said I whine a lot." Chloe and Lois exchanged knowing glances.

"What?" He asked, not getting why they looked at each other like that.

"Well…" Chloe started, but Lois finished for her. "You whine _way _too much, Smallville," Lois said as she walked away. Clark gaped at her while she walked away. "Chloe?" he asked.

"Clark, you were whining two seconds ago, and you're whining right now… Sorry." She said as she patted him on the back, then they walked out of the Talon.

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Later that night Chloe, Lois, and Clark were upstairs in the apartment above the Talon. The T.V. was on, but neither of them was watching it. It was just background noise. "This movie is boring," Chloe said suddenly. "I know, let's talk about Sawyer," Chloe said looking at Sawyer. 

"Fine," Lois sighed even though she wanted to.

"I loved how your face lit up when he walked in," Chloe teased while laughing. Lois's face turned red.

"What do you guys think of him?" Lois asked as she started to return to her normal color.

"He's nice… and funny… and cute," Chloe said excitedly. Lois nodded agreeing.

"What about you?" She asked Clark.

"I don't like him," he said with a serious face. His tone was very serious as well. He wasn't kidding.

"Just because he said you whine a lot?"

"No, it's just that-I," he said at a loss for words. Chloe and Lois looked at each other with big smiles on their faces. _I hate when they do that_, Clark thought. He could never figure out what they were saying to each other. _Lois probably feels the same way, though, when Chloe and I do that. _

Lois looked at Clark and smiled. "It's nice that you're jealous and everything, but-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not jealous." Lois and Chloe both raised their eyebrows at Clark. "I'm not! I was-"

"Just putting in your two cents?" Lois asked cutting him off. "Well, thanks, Smallville, but I'm fine with ninety-eight cents."

Chloe looked over at Lois like she was stupid and scoffed, "Lois." That was one of the weirdest things that she had ever heard.

"What?" Chloe shook her head and looked at Clark who was trying to hold back his laughter. "Never mind."

"Oh, okay. I'm gonna go downstairs and get some coffee."

"Get me a cup!" Chloe yelled as Lois walked out the door. She turned back to Clark who was looking back at her. He looked like he wanted to say something to her.

"Clark, what's wrong?" Chloe asked as she stretched out on the couch.

"I don't like him," he mumbled as he looked down at the floor. Chloe sat up on the couch and she crossed her legs Indian style.

"Is it because of the whining thing? Because that wasn't a big deal, Clark?"

"No, well yes, but there's something weird about him." He looked up at her with an idea on his face. Chloe knew immediately what he wanted her to do.

"Clark, no." He looked at her pleadingly. "No! Clark, are you sure you're not jealous. Because for someone 'not jealous' you're pretty jealous."

"Chloe, I'm _not_ jealous. Why can't I be protective of Lois without being jealous?"

Chloe sighed and put her head back, "Because you're never protective of Lois when it comes to guys, Clark."

"Chloe, she's your cousin."

"I already promised her that I wouldn't look into him. And it _is_ kind of hard to look without a last name. So, if we can get a last name, then yeah, I'll do it."

Clark smiled. "You were going to do it with or without my help weren't you?"

Chloe grinned, "Of course."

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**Okay, that's it for this chapter. If you have any ideas please drop them in the reviews! Tell me what you thought! **


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